I was pregnant for almost exactly a month, and during that time I was an emotional mess. Sometimes I would be ecstatic (I loved the feeling of being pregnant and having the knowledge that there was something growing inside of me that could potentially be life).. and sometimes I was a wreck - crying for little reason and getting terribly depressed. Most of the time however, I felt beautiful and strong and loved. The only people I could talk to about my pregnancy and impending abortion at the time, was my lover and my doctor. My lover was always so supportive and totally understanding - he pampered me the whole time! My doctor was also great - she counselled us about our decision and made sure we had thought about it and knew exactly what was gong to happen, including the procedure and the risks involved. The abortion clinic she referred me to was also wonderful.

During the few weeks that I knowlingly carried my baby I grew and learnt so much about myself. And I learnt a lot about love, because right from the start I loved that baby fiercely. We named her tobi, and talked to her and my lover would kiss my tummy where she was growing, and stuff like that. And many times I would wish that we could keep her and watch her grow. I knew that wasn't possible, however, and I always knew that I was doing the right thing. Noone then, and noone now could persuade me otherwise. And even though sometimes I wish that I hadn't gotten pregnant in the first place, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm so grateful for the whole experience.