Anyway, I was taken to the doctor's at one point to have my wounds treated, and later the same day i was sent to counselling, to see what psychiatric treatment I needed since the doctor just automatically assumed I was suicidal, and that I was insane or whatever. I was then seen by a psychiatrist several times after that, until I came to the United States. Seeing the psychiatrist was the worst thing I could have done, I now believe. He only made me feel more fucked up and more mentally off balance than I am, or was... and anyway, it didn't help.

Since that point in time I've met so many other women, who I admire and look up to and see as totally powerful and strong, who are doing the same things I'm doing. So now I'm trying to figure out why so many women are taking razorblades or other sharp edges to their skin and drawing blood, or burning themselves - making scars. Why are we indulging in this self-mutilation?
Well.. that answer is rather simple.. because we're feeling such immense emotional pain that the physical pain is nothing.. if anything, it can even relieve it for a time... and so often that emotional pain stems from self-hatred and the feeling that we're not good enough.

This leads to another question... Why do young women (because this is prevalent amongs women under 25 and over 13) hate themselves so much that they feel the need to harm themselves, even destroy themselves in such a way???

I've a few theories... so here goes.....